Christmas is a time for watching terrible films. Many terrible films feature mixed up bonkers pseudo geology, in which the Earth explodes/melts/rips apart/flies off its axis. Christmas and geology truly are a match made in heaven.
We’re not talking terrible blockbuster geology films like Volcano, here. We’re talking truly, hilariously, impressively terrible. Nor are we particularly bothered about scientific accuracy. Every knows you probably can’t drive a truck over lava, but Pierce Brosnan can do whatever he likes, in my opinion. (Although – Linda Hamilton, the kids really aren’t any safer on the back seat, are they?)
Geological disaster films usually pan out in much the same way:
1. A terrible threat faces the Earth. In the case of ‘Meteor’ it’s, well, a meteor. Specifically, it is called Orpheus. The meteor.
Only Science can save us from the terrifying threat of…splinters.
2: In some variations on this theme, stupid science people are responsible for said threat, by coming up with a seemingly ingenious plan, and failing to notice that it’s likely to blow up the world.
In the case of ‘Crack in the world’, Dr. Steven Sorenson plans to tap the geothermal energy of the Earth’s interior by means of a thermonuclear device detonated deep within the Earth. Seems legit. Meanwhile, women look worried whilst wearing nighties.
(Is it just us, or is fear of the world splitting in two actually pretty rational?)
3: In an ironic twist, only science people are capable of saving the world from inevitable blowing up! Meanwhile, women continue to look worried whilst wearing nighties.
3: Stupid people do not believe in the very real threat of Earth blow up, and do everything they can to not have to do anything about it, just before it really does blow up and they feel even more stupid.
(Props to ‘When Worlds Collide’ for ‘The forces of nature unleashed in all their terrifying force’.)
4: CHAOS ENSUES. And more nightie wearing.
Incidentally, don’t you just hate it when a guy abandons you to work all summer on a hydro electric project?
5. From this point on, survival all depends on whether you’re on the side of the rational scientist people, or the irrationally terrified ‘You won’t escape your doom!’ people. We know which side we’re on.
See? Volcano doesn’t look so bad now, does it?